suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again. Automatically he will he more
motivated to give his love and receive the love he needs. When a man springs back, he picks up
the relationship at whatever degree of intimacy it was when he stretched away. He doesn't feel
any need for a period of getting reacquainted again.
WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN
If understood, this male intimacy cycle enriches a relationship, but because it is misunderstood
it creates unnecessary problems. Let's explore an example.
Maggie was distressed, anxious, and confused. She and her boyfriend, Jeff, had been dating for
six months. Everything had been so romantic. Then without any apparent reason he began to
distance himself emotionally. Maggie could not understand why he had suddenly pulled away.
She told me, "One minute he was so attentive, and then the next he didn't even want to talk to
me. I have tried everything to get him back but it only seems to make matters worse. He seems
so distant. I don't know what I did wrong. Am I so awful?"
When Jeff pulled away, Maggie took it personally. This is a common reaction. She thought she
had done something wrong and blamed herself. She wanted to make things "right again," but
the more she tried to get close to Jeff the more he pulled away.
After taking my seminar Maggie was so relieved. Her anxiety and confusion immediately
disappeared. Most important, she stopped blaming herself. She realized that when Jeff pulled
away it was not her fault. In addition she learned why he was pulling away and how gracefully
to deal with it. Months later at another seminar, Jeff thanked me for what Maggie had learned.
He told me they were now engaged to be married. Maggie had discovered a secret that few
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