reawakened.
This is generally puzzling for a woman because in her experience if she has pulled away,
becoming intimate again requires a period of re-acquaintance. If she doesn't understand that
men are different in this way, she may have a tendency to mistrust his sudden desire for
intimacy and push him away.
Men also need to understand this difference. When a man springs back, before a woman can
open up again to him she generally wants and needs time and conversation to reconnect. This
transition can be more graceful if a man understands a woman may need more time to regain
the same level of intimacy-especially if she felt hurt when he pulled away. Without this
understanding of differences, a man may become impatient because he is suddenly available to
pick up the intimacy at whatever level of intensity it was when he pulled away and she is not.
Why Men Pull Away
Men begin to feel their need for autonomy and independence after they have fulfilled their
need for intimacy. Automatically when he begins to pull away, she begins to panic. What she
doesn't realize is that when he pulls away and fulfills his need for autonomy then suddenly he
will want to be intimate again. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and
autonomy.
For example, in the beginning of his relationship Jeff was strong and full of desire. His rubber
band was fully stretched. He wanted to impress her, fulfill her, please her, and get close to her.
As he succeeded she also wanted to get closer. As she opened her heart to him he got closer and
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closer. When they achieved intimacy he felt wonderful. But after a brief period a change took
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