John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by


through. As I listened I kept remembering that to support my sister I didn't have to give her


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Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus

through. As I listened I kept remembering that to support my sister I didn't have to give her 
any solutions. She needed someone just to listen. After ten minutes of just listening and 
occasionally saying things like "uh-huh," "oh," and "ready!" she then said, "Well, thank you, 
John. I feel so much better." 
 
It was much easier to hear her because I knew she was not blaming me. She was blaming 
someone else. I find it more difficult when my wife is unhappy because it is easier for me to 
feel blamed. However, when my wife encourages me to listen by appreciating me, it becomes 
much easier to be a good listener. 
 
What to Do When You Feel Like Blaming 
 
Reassuring a man that it is not his fault or that he is not being blamed works only as long as 
she truly is not blaming him, disapproving of him, or criticizing him. If she is attacking him, 
then she should share her feelings with someone else. She should wait until she is more loving 
and centered to talk to him. She could share her resentful feelings with someone she is not 
upset with, who will be able to give her the support she needs. Then when she feels more 
loving and forgiving she can successfully approach him to share her feelings. In chapter 11 we 
will explore in greater detail how to communicate difficult feelings. 
 
Now to Listen Without Blaming 
 
A man often blames a woman for being blaming when she is innocently talking about 
problems. This is very destructive to the relationship because it blocks communication. 
 
Imagine a woman saying "All we ever do is work, work, work. We don't have any fun anymore. 
You are so serious." A man could very easily feel she is blaming him. 

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